Get Up And Walk!

I have been working on starting this blog for way longer than I would like to admit. God laid it on my heart a while ago to start blogging about our story. I have been putting it off and putting it off. You see, I used to have a blog several years back. It started as a way for me to keep my friends and family caught up on our lives when we moved away. It was fun to begin with, but became burdensome to me after awhile. I felt people were expecting me to update and disappointed when I didn't. It constantly hung over my head like an outstanding homework assignment that never ended. So I eventually stopped and felt such freedom! When I began feeling God calling me to start an infertility blog, I thought really God, really?! Don't you remember I did that once and it didn't work out well, I failed! I heard the call from God and tried to put it on the back burner. But God in his persistence kept the thought in the forefront of my mind and on my heart until I had no other choice but to listen. I began several months ago with small steps, deciding on a name. Then finally I began designing my blog. Just recently I wrote the beautiful tabs you see at the top of the page. Each of those steps has taken me an eternity to finish. I began getting caught up on the details wanting everything perfect for when my blog 'hit the market' (as if thousands will immediately be reading) . I have also been slowed down with a host of excuses that I constantly battle: I am not a writer, grammar is not my strong suit, I don't have time to blog consistently, I'm not sure I'm ready to share the details of our story with everyone, I'm leery of publishing things on the internet, who will read it anyway, and on and on! In toying with Bible study, to clearly speak this truth to me the other day...

I don't want perfection, I only want your obedience.

Wow! When the Lord speaks that nugget of wisdom to you (especially me a very Type A perfectionist) , it quickly makes everything else fade away! Turns out there is a diseased and crippled man in John 5: 2-9 that I can completely relate with. This man had been an invalid for 38 years! He had been by the pool of Bethesda hoping to be healed. The sick, blind, and diseased would gather by this pool as it was believed that angels would stir the water. When the water was stirred the first person to enter the water would be healed of his ailments. This crippled man had been waiting by the water trying to get in each time it was stirred, but someone always beat him to it, he couldn't move fast enough. He sat by the pool watching others pass him by time and time again. I'm sure he felt hopeless, looked over, of little importance, wondering about his place in life. Until one day Jesus walked by the pool and saw the man...I just love their conversation, this is so me:

6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" 7 "Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."      8 Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. 

When Jesus asked this invalid a very direct 'Yes' or 'No' question, the man answered with excuses. To me his excuses imply that he had little faith in Jesus to heal him, didn't fully believe Jesus could perform such a miracle, maybe didn't even recognize Jesus for who He was. Yet Jesus, takes the man for what he is, crippled and sick, and heals him in a second. Instantly that invalid was provided with everything he needs by Jesus, what a miracle! This got me thinking, Jesus told me to share my story, to blog about what I've learned through our infertility struggles, and my answer to Him was not a direct 'Yes' or 'No'. Instead, like the invalid I have spent months dragging my feet, making excuses, while others obeying God pass me by. What do my excuses say to God? Perhaps that I have little faith that He can provide me the right words to type, that I don't fully believe He will provide me time to write, that He will bring the right people to my blog to read it, and that He will grow and protect me through my sharing. Jesus is saying to me, "Get Up!" Get up and do what I am asking of you! Get up, I am calling you to obedience not perfection in the small details! Get up and do something with the infertility path that I have allowed your life to take.

So here I am, sharing our story and what I have learned. Our journey to children has been messy, difficult, challenging, heartbreaking, and rewarding all at the same time. It has been filled with mountains of JOY and valley's of deep dark despair. But the same Jesus that saw something in that desperate crippled man, pulled him out of his agony, and healed him is the same Jesus that has been with us every step of the way. He has pulled us out of anger and bitterness after every failed fertility cycle or pregnancy and healed our hearts, always providing us a way. I am finally GETTING UP AND WALKING, firmly saying YES to Jesus and sharing the JOY I have found in Christ through our infertility struggles. Hope you join me for this crazy ride!